The Anti-Club Club

Posted: 24.05.07 in Blogging

Originally posted on hardwords.net on 12th December 2006

Why do people like clubs? The reasons appear to escape me for there are plenty that turn me away, and none that draw me in. Let me take you through a typical night out in a club.

  1. You arrive. You are greeted by bouncers that make Londoners seem polite. After wrestling you for ID (in my case at least, my youthful looks won’t leave me), you are then hastled for money in order to get in.
  2. Once you get in, you are offended by the worst music imaginable at a volume that perhaps makes it sound a little better, but nonetheless renders normal communication channels useless. If you wish to have a conversation, either you must withstand someone yelling millimetres from your ear, or must incur the operator charges for text messaging.
  3. When you manage to get to the bar, passing sweaty corpses and those that have remained alive mimicking something that may loosely be described as dancing, you order your favourite drink and find you have paid £2 extra for ice.
  4. On realising that your only release from the depressing place you entered five minutes ago comes at a cost comparable to Steve Gerrard’s Lucozade bill, you start to appreciate how pretty your watch is in low-light. You rather wish you started drinking last night to enjoy the present experience.
  5. You somehow ask one of your party what time the place closes. On obtaining the reply, not even your friend can hear your cries.
  6. If you are fortunate to find a spare seat, you occupy it as long as possible, attempting some form of sleep to escape the world you are currently tied up in. If you do manage to enter another world, it is rather likely you’ll end up in a club, and the nightmare continues.
  7. So when you finally reach closing time, there are no buses and trains – just taxis. And so you will probably have to ask to stop at a cash machine on the way home, seeing as the money-grabbing bastards took your purse at the door.

I’m not a fan… Can someone please explain to me why they are so great?

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Comments
  1. Weiran says:

    You don’t rock out hard enough to understand!

  2. matt says:

    you just go to shit clubs. I tend to avoid those places as I hate the with a passion. Jilly’s, my local rock/metal club is quite good. the music is usually good. plenty of bars so the queues aren’t horrendous and £1.50 to get in on a thursday.hope exams are going ok.meant to email you but I’ve been way too busy.

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