Deep Graduation

Posted: 15.11.07 in Blogging

It feels like my life has very little to do with me. My entire feels like it has been characterised by the actions of others. As such, I feel rather boring since the only sources of interest and excitement in my life is entirely down to others.

It’s lead me to think that I would now prefer a simple life. Complications are unnecessary. Though I’ve now accepted that there is no such thing as the status quo, it is still something that I would like to strive towards. I want a predictable life. I don’t want any shocks or surprises, I don’t want major changes. I don’t want to have to worry about things beyond what I had been expecting. But since I’ll be graduating in the coming year, I expect it will be anything but.

Graduation is the reason why sometimes I wish I had never gone to university. According the university congregations website, I will be allocated three tickets, of which one is for myself, which leaves two. Now, who do I give those tickets to? Unfortunately, there are no right answers, and plenty wrong ones. Some have made their feelings felt with regard to how I should make those choices, but of course that has created uncertainy in my mind as to who I should ask. It is like choosing between cutting my nose off to spite my face, or just cutting my nose off. Or there is not going altogether, which will just make me equally unpopular with everyone.

It’s quite hard to enjoy life and university with that cloud constantly over my head. I also feel ashamed that I’d sooner write about my thoughts on a website than tell those that I should. But I’m too long accustomed to shouldering burdens; being slowly stilted trying to balance them, to the point when it becomes easier just to maintain poise and balance rather than dropping everything, or asking someone to help carry them in the hope they disappear.

So I’ve come full-circle. I want a simple life, but to do that I would have to live alone.

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Comments
  1. wl says:

    I think you are not the only one feeling this way. But I suppose better not spend too much time on analyzing your mind, cause that’s touch. I’ve got some questions to redirect your attention.

    Ok, I need to ask for your opinions on several questions regarding the English language for one course I’m taking. Do you speak with any accent? How about your mum (and dad)? Were they strict about how you should speak when you were young? What is your attitude towards accents in general? What is your favorate accent among different varieties in the UK, and what is your least liked (such as Geordie, Liverpool, Yorkshire, Cockney, Queen’s,Standard English, Scottish, Welsh, Irish, etc.)? What makes you like a particular accent or dislke an accent? Do you think the standarization of a language is a good thing? (Presumebly you don’t speak with any accent, would you say you will feel ashamed if you do? Is that because you subconsciously believe that the way you speak tells about what social class you are from and what kind of education you got?) So much for this time. Hehe, thanks a bunch for answering in advance! Oh please be genuine!!

  2. wl says:

    To be honest, I think working for an NGO can be a good idea for you. Cause you seem to think about life quite a lot, and I think that’s because you feel bored and aimless, and you probably need to interact more with people (I don’t mean these drunk uni friends). Working for an NGO may give you the opportunity to work abroad and have a look at how difficult life is somewhere around the globe. I suppose getting to see the touchness of life may intrigue you in some way. Besides, you are interested in raising awareness of HIV/AID and you will be able to help people with this disease if you work for certain NGOs. I know Health Unlimited (HU) is a charity aiming to improve the health for people living in poor and remote areas in countries in Asia and Africa.
    I just think you need to be an insider first to learn first-hand info about the organisation and see whether that suits you. So why not email HU or any NGO you are interested in and become one of their volunteers first? I don’t know whether you want to do something related to your degree or you are flexible as long as you are interested? Anyway, make a decision and take an action immediately!

  3. Steve says:

    Accents… hmm… well my accent can only be described as hybrid at best! It’s a combination of Geordie with a Kentish flavour. Kentish is quite close to Cockney, so mixing it with Geordie is quite interesting.

    My parents were never bothered by my accent, though my mum used to take the mick when I said words like “glass” in a southern accent (she is a Geordie). When I said “glass” in a northern accent, my friends take the mick anyway!

    It’s funny what you say though: speak to a lot of people and they will insist they “don’t have” an accent. I suppose when you are accustomed to having everyone speak in the same way as you all the time, you notice other people being different to you rather than yourself being different to them.

    Favourites? Well I like to imitate a Brummie (Birmingham) and Irish accents, though I’m not sure I’d say they were my favourites. I’d have to say Geordie is my favourite though. My least favourite is perhaps the Scouser (Liverpool) accent, though I like to imitate that too!

    As for working for an NGO goes, I’m not sure I can really afford to go for another year without getting a decently-paid job. I know some NGOs do pay, but most seem to require some sort of sponsorship in order to work with them. I guess it’s another option to consider though, so I will think about it!

  4. wl says:

    I don’t know what makes you like Geordie. I’m sorry but I really really don’t like it. It sounds really funny. I would have to say that I’m not a fan of Northern accents in general. I suppose it’s because as a non-native speaker, the English I was taught is the standard English or old fashioned English if you like. And that has left an impression in my mind that anything sounds too different from the standard English is kind of not recommended and ‘incorrect’.

    This evening, I had meal with some friends. One friend said that he couldn’t understand Geordie. Once when he was dining with a Geordie, he had to ask the person to repeat almost every sentence he said, and in the end he didn’t bother to ask the Geordie to repeat. And I also asked two girls and they don’t like it either. However, Scottish and Irish are doing pretty well. As far as I can recall, everyone I talked to like the Scottish accent.

    I have no problem with Brummie. It doesn’t sound as funny as Scouser or Geordie. However, Brummie in one internet-based survey was voted as the least attractive accent among 34 English accents. ?!? And just in case you may want to know which accent comes as the most attractive accent, it’s the standard English.

    One friend of mine is from Nottingham. She told me a trick to tell whether a person is a southerner or from the north, and that is how s/he pronounces the word ‘bath’. If a is pronouced as /a:/, then s/he is from the south; if pronounced as /ae/ then s/he is from the north. What you said about ‘grass’ has just proved her trick works.

    I think what you said is interesting that people tend to think they don’t have an accent whereas that is rarely the case.

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